I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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