Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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