Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
