on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
