Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
