I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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