No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
