I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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