worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
