with your own penis?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
