Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
