cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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