That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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