i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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