vagina is talking i cant
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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