2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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