when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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