I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
