i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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