First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
