You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
