So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
