I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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