So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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