I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
