dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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