love makes seman taste better
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sober January is a disaster.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
