Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
