$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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