you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
