K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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