Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
