I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
