Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
