You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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