i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
thus making me awesome and them whores
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
