maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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