the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
