Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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