i love accidental penises.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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