it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
