You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize