I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
