I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
