Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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