i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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