every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
