She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
