i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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