he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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