He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
