Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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