no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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