Do you still have your period?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
