just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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