Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
