I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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