I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
