its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
