Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
