My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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