so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
