all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
