just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
