she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
