did you get engaged???
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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