Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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